Up with the Birds

'Tis that time of year. The world gets warm and humid during the day, so so does my house, so I open the windows at night to let the cool air in and then I am up from 3am onward with the little twittering things outside my window. Them and the crickets. *sigh*

But at least my migraines quit! Well, besides the one yesterday that was my own fault for getting a hamburger for lunch with aged cheddar on it. I can eat some cheddar, but apparently not the kind that Percy's Place uses. *sigh* and it was so good! Oh how I love cheese even if it doesn't love me back.

Today is very overcast still and it's already 8am. You'd think the sun had barely started to rise, but nope it's just very very cloudy. And chilly. Which is rather nice. I hope it doesn't start to heat up and get as humid as yesterday did.

This morning with my time and energy I cleaned my kitchen. Next month or early August sometime I have to have my GDF interview and I'm already starting to stress about it. Thinking about cleaning the house in such and wanting to get started already which is really silly since it will of course be dirty all over again in a month! But regardless it's good to really clean the kitchen and throw out or recycle stuff that needs to leave the kitchen. I also started to organize my desk area and do some recycling there. If I could stand the noise of the paper shredder I would shred some paper but this morning my head is buzzing and I think the whir of the shredder might trigger a migraine.

This afternoon Li and I are going to go try to find Rita's Italian Ice in RI hopefully! The last time I had good gilato was in Pgh at a Rita's. That was another good thing about Pgh- perogies and Rita's, yum!! I could have gotten very fat in Pgh had I not been so mentally sick that all food tasted like cardboard all the time. I lived on rice with salad dressing for months. It was not a good time.

Then we're going to dinner with her mum and brothers. They all forgot Li's mum's birthday last week so they are going to suprise her with dinner and cake tonight. I made and frosted the cake last night, my contribution to dinner. I told Li- why on earth didn't you put an auto-reminder in your blackberry about this?! I have ALL the birthdays in my PDA or else I would be toast, I probably wouldn't even remember my own (wishful thinking, I hate my birthday).

I have been drinking these 'ultimate meal' shakes 2 times a day since Wed to try to get some nutrition into me since I've not been eating well at all which I know was probably contributing to my migraines and overall tiredness (beyond just that from lack of sleep and the abilify). And I think they are helping. I really like that it's meals I don't have to think about. Preparing food for just me is so not fun and I really don't like to eat. I like cooking for other people, but eating itself unless I have a specific craving is generally not something I enjoy.

It's really a bad cycle I get into and I've been to nutritionists who point this out to me, even though I already know it, and I try to change, and I'll improve for a few months then get back in my old habits. So at least with the shakes if I drink one in the morning, I know I got a good start to the day and then if I feel like making lunch I can and if I don't then I know I have to make dinner or vice versa or if I'm being abitious I can make lunch and dinner if I want. It gives me better options without a lot of extra calories.

And I heard back from my e-mail to R from SDC about the noise and if she had any good ideas based on her own personal experience with similar things and she said she has found that LaMaze breathing of all things has helped her (which I thought was interesting) and some of the things she's learned in biofeedback training have helped and for her insomnia she does self-hypnosis. She also 'talks back' to her voices, same as I tend to do with the noise. It was pretty amazing she also hears sirens all the time, while I don't hear them all the time I tend to hear sirens when I'm in the car that aren't there. It freaks me out when I'm driving that a cop or ambulance is coming out of nowhere and I can't see them but know I'm suppose to pull over to get out of their way. It's really not safe, and I know someday I'm going to cause an accident when that happens. Yet another reason why I hate to drive and tend to avoid it like the plague. But basically she says she fights her voices and tries her damnest to stay present and interact with the world and not give up. Which is pretty much what I end up doing already, and what Dr R has basically said in not so many words, so that was her advice.

It was interesting to hear from someone else that they have similar problems, I don't think I've ever actually talked with someone who did. I mean I've always been told by drs that what I hear aren't true auditory hallucinations since they are in my head as opposed to out, but R said she has both- ones that are in and out- and that she completely understands as she has similar things. I didn't know that. I assumed ones outside one's head were very very different, but I guess not. At least not according to R. Just interesting. I think I may have to talk to her more if she is willing.