Faker

I've been told so many times this isn't real, that it's 'just a part of your neurology', that I often have to wonder, if it's not real, then it can't be happening and am I therefore just making all of this up? Is it truely not the way my head imagines, is it all imaginary and I'm just seeking attention? Am I just faking it?

It feels so real to me.

People tell me I am acting fine, I look fine, that if I was really having problems there would be no way I could put on the face I do.

Maybe they are right. I do put on the 'normal face'. I do fake it that things are fine. For long periods of time. But I know little things are slipping. The dogs know I'm different. And it's different in my head. But they tell me it can't be happening, so they must be right. I must be making it all up.

I don't want attention. I don't like that kind of attention. At least I don't think I do. Maybe I do and I just don't know it. That would be the only logical explination if this keeps happening and there is no real reason for it.

It gets confusing. What's in my head, what it tells me vs what they tell me out there.