"Your thinking makes my brain hurt!"

The title was a quote from my mother yesterday. You see I have been doing a lot of thinking about my potential college career, and the stress that I was going through about it's oncoming start looming in the near future. And I started doing some more research on 'potential careers' in the area where I live (and have no plans to move anytime soon since I have a house, and took me the past number of years to build up a good team of drs, and have a strong support network here of friends and family, and have a business, and moving is just not something that's going to happen anytime soon) with the degree that I would probably end up getting and realized that "there is nothing that I want to do with the rest of my life in this field!"

I cannot function full time (or even part time) in an office building. The physical make up of an office suite with fluorescent lights and cubicles and telephones and computer screens at the wrong refresh rate is a very physically painful environment for me. It's sensory overload and I end up with severe migraines as well as it make my dissociative episodes worse.

Then there is the social make up of a work place environment like that. Which having experienced it on a limited basis a number of times in my failed career as a 'productive member of the working class' is not something that I ever want to go through again.

And if I went with something I love to do, teaching, I would probably end up teaching the human population I least like- ie those under the age of 25. Which would make me rather miserable.

And there is a little known fact that I've been the President of a 501(c)3 non profit for the past 5 years that little has been done with over the past 2 years, so I have spent the past 48hrs pretty much non stop brain storming, connecting with people, and working to resurrect that non profit to do the good work that it was originally formed to do.

This is a cause that I fully believe in. And can do something productive with my life that I enjoy thoroughly. I'm just not good at managing a non profit really or doing fundraising. Which is why it started to fail 2 years ago. So I have been working hard the past 2 days to contact people who may make a stellar Board of Directors and Fundraising Committee which would eventually in a few years leave me to do what I am good at which is be Director of Training and Evaluations. And eventually we can hopefully have enough money in the budget to like pay me for my time and work. Which would be really nice.

The organization does something I love, trains dogs, and works with a a population I can related to and enjoy working with- persons with disabilities. There is a large and growing need for the services it provides. And we can reach a wide range of persons effectively without going out of a reasonable geographic area.

So that's in the works.

My mother is trying to convince me that "trying a college class isn't for the future it's about "trying a class", you know "trying a class". You don't need a long range plan for it. It's not about "giving you options", it's about "trying a class." Which seems to be something I missed understanding of. Regardless I'm going to try the college class still that starts in 2 weeks, and I am trying to keep an open mind about it, but really it's becoming less and less of an interest to me as it approaches. But I'm going to try it regardless.

And I have been sleeping. Albeit rather odd hours. But I have been sleeping. The cyprohepadine or whatever that drug's name is does work. It knocks me out cold (for the person who made the comment about Dramamine and benadryl, thanks for the suggestion, but I've found they don't work and I'm one of the weird people that benadryl gives migraines to) and I sleep. It takes a long time to affect my system though and when I'm wired for sound like I have been it takes a long while for me to chill enough for it to affect me. So like last night I took it at 10:30 and didn't fall asleep until 3:30am. Then slept straight through till 12noon. Got up, went back to work on the computer for 7 hrs, then moved to my folk's house for the next 2 days as my roof is being redone, watched 3 hrs of TV (gosh that makes my head hurt!) and now am writing this before going to bed and trying to sleep in an old yet strange environment.

Oh and I have run this new idea of resurrecting the nonprofit by a number of people whose opinions I highly value and respect and they all have said it's less of a harebrained idea than that of my going to college. That they could see it working and they had a hard time seeing me doing well in a college environment. So hopefully I can get it off the ground. Just need a few more folks for the BoD and get a meeting going to get things moving!