comfort

last week my therapst dr r ask me what I found comforting and I was rather at a loss, since there isn't a lot that does. I asked him to define that, but his definition didn't really help me, at the time it was actually more confusing as it seemed to have a lot of conflicting terms in it. But since my appt I have been thinking about it a lot and today I looked up the dictonary defintion of 'comforting' and all definitions had in at least some form 'to soothe or ease'.

So I started to thinking. There are a LOT of things that I could say I find not comforting. Too many to list actually. But not a lot that I can so I do find that soothe or ease.

People are a definate no. They tend to stress me out and I find them very unpredictable. Even if they're trying to comfort me, it's not. But if I say they're not helping they just get upset and mad at me since they're only trying their best and then at that point I become the ungrateful one and they tell me I am being hurtful on purpose. When I'm not, it's just that I find their forms of comfort really NOT helpful and actually they usually stress me out more.

My dogs, there is a higher chance that they will be comforting. For one thing I like their weight on my body. Many autistic people will say that heavy weight or pressure is relaxing and helpful when they're stressed or anxious. I'm the same way and my dogs are good body weights I've found and most times they do it on their own without my prompting. My corgi M and J are the 2 best at this. N tries but he's always just too powerful and wound up and ends up hurting me. the other thing I find comforting is their presence after a particularly bad nightmare. And I like J and knowing that he's reliable. Unlike any human has ever been for me. He doesn't get distracted or change the plan at the last minute or ask lots of questions of me. He knows his job and he does it and he's always there for me when I need. That form of reliablity is comforting. I have never gotten that from any other being before.

The thing that I find most comforting though I came to realize is sameness, routine, consistency, etc. I like things to be just so and ramrod the way they should be. I don't deviate from plan well. I don't know how to go with the flow. I like my ruts that I'm stuck in for the most part. I'm not good at adjusting to change. I find that routine and adherance to a schedule is comforting as I know what is going to happen, I can prepare for it, I can plan for it, it takes some of the fear away. Last minute changes in plan are physically painful, anxiety inducing, I don't like them. This is something that my family has never been able to understand even when I feel I've done a good job of trying to communicate it to them. They just think I'm being stubborn and unwielding. When in reality it's something that I need time to adjust to, I can't just do something spur of the moment, I need time to mull it over, to plan, to prepare.